Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Here are a few facts about me:

I am the youngest of nine kids which means I inhale meals like they're cocaine, and I am Elton John at Studio 54 on a Saturday night. If there was something good for dinner and you wanted seconds it was first come first serve. Having four older brothers, I had my work cut out for me and on a night when we had homemade cheese macaroni or my mother’s roast beef, my brothers had a little contender….me. Unfortunately this is not a quality that works well on dates.

I had a child at fourteen….as much as I tried to convince my Irish Catholic parents that virgin births do in fact happen…I mean I did learn all about it in CCD……it didn’t fly. But much to my amazement they loved me anyway and loved my son even more. My parents of course had to put my brothers in "house lock down” since they were afraid they might use their baseball bats for other means of entertainment.

I don’t know a damn thing about football. I have probably been to about over 300 games in my life time, yet I know nothing about it. Many men have tried to explain it….which my response is….save it. I have more important things to remember….like the bartender’s name.

I can’t play poker to save my life. I get the game but can’t play it worth beans. Reason being is that you can see what kind of hand I have by looking at my face and of course by the sounds of my incessant giggling. Odd thing is I have no problem telling someone with a straight face that I am an Air Traffic Controller at O’Hare airport and then go into detail about the stress of my job; maybe mention a few “close calls” in the air on my watch to which I often receive a free drink in celebration of my heroic efforts. Yet if I am playing poker and I am dealt any card with a face on it or an Ace…..I do everything but tap dance on my chair with glee.

I’ve been married twice. The first one was a “practice marriage”. Let me tell you there is truth to the term “Seven Year Itch” except mine was more like a three year itch that lasted four years. The second marriage well….let’s just say I am on probation.

I have low tolerance for idiots…especially when I am commuting into this beautiful idiot filled city every day. It’s sort of a rage problem. I have been able to keep it under control by writing about it…so much so that I have lost a few friends on Facebook due to my ranting and thus had to find another avenue to vent my anger and frustration…which ultimately has led me to this very place…a blog.

So enjoy….