Monday, May 16, 2011

The Rapture

The anticipated “Rapture” which is to take place on the 21st is a complete mystery to me and has got me thinking….all I have is questions!

I need clarification… it just “Good Christian’s” who will be lifted into the air?...leaving all those who are Jewish, non-Christians and evil doers?

I read on Wiki that the rapture was suppose to take place in 1992 and is Jesus going to show up this time or is he just going to resched?....Jesus just doesn't seem like the kind of guy to blow off a big event such as a Rapture.

I also read on Wiki that there may be two events? One private (the rapture) and one public which is a battle? So can someone purchase tickets to the "private" event? and when this battle comes around is Jesus going to handle it himself? or is it left for all the Jewish people, non-christians, and evil doers to fight out....and will we have guns and tanks.....or will it be hand to hand combat only?

I was planning on going to Opening Day at Suffolk Downs to play the ponies on the 21st……I guess I can hope that Suffolk Downs employs a lot of Jewish peeps or a lot of “bad Christians”….that way I can still go along with my plans and since my husband is Jewish and I am a “bad Christian” we will at least have each other for company….and obviously there can't be any devout Catholic bartenders so the bar will be staffed....but what about the horses? Do they get a free pass or can animals be Jewish or perhaps “evil” non-believers?

Also…since your body is pulled into the sky by Jesus….what happens if you are at work in a building? Will you get stuck to the ceiling? Like should people plan to be outside in open space? What about planes? Is there a possibility that you may be hit by one? Or even worse, be on one where the pilots are chosen for the Rapture…who will fly the plane?.....(wait no pilot can be chosen they are all drunken philanderers)……what about clothes? I have seen a couple artist renditions of the rapture and some have people with clothes on and some do not. If we are going to be naked don’t you think we should have taken this a little more seriously and shed a few pounds in preparation of being naked in front of everyone?…

Wait that should prove it is not going to happen…..because if it was Jenny Craig and Weight Watchers would have had a “Get Rapture Ready” campaign.

Mystery solved.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Chelsea's Mom

This my first script. I could not get it to format properly when I pasted it here. But oh well....
Written by Kate Flanagan-Cone

Chelsea a popular high school senior is studying after school at her dining room table with her friend. Chelsea’s Mom is in her late 30's and thinks she is the cool/hot mom. She walks in interrupting them wearing a sport bra and yoga pants sweaty from a workout.

Hey Girls! Studying?

(You can see Chelsea is annoyed by her mother’s interruption.)

Yeah Mom.

I was just finishing up my Just Dance Workout. What a workout! I think I almost have those Beyonce moves down!

(Chelsea's friend is amazed by Chelsea's mom. She stops and watches as she wipes the sweat off her neck and face with a towel.)

Great Mom. Great.

You sure you gals don’t need any help with current affairs? Taylor and Jake just broke up!

No way! Where did you see that?

I just got a text from I love Perez. What is going on with Lindsey? People are just out to get her. Poor thing she just needs a mom who loves her! Right honey?

(Chelsea's mom hugs Chelsea from behind and swings her left to right.)

I know and what about….

(Chelsea interrupts her friend as she removes her mom’s hands from her one by one.)

Mom we are all set with current EVENTS. Thanks.

(Chelsea's mom senses her daughter’s annoyance and slips away but not without giving Chelsea a kiss on the top of her head before she goes.)

Ok doll. I need to make a shake anyway. I’m famished!

(Mom leaves the room and the girls immediately get back to what they were doing, talking about prom.)

So what is up? Are you going to prom with Brian or what?

I have no idea he hasn’t asked me yet.

I know he will.

What about you? Did you find a dress yet?

No not yet. I have been way to busy making sure that my mom doesn’t find out they need chaperones for prom.

(Mom is in the kitchen mixing a shake in the blender. Music is playing in the background. She stops to do a few dance moves as you makes her way to the trash to throw a banana peel away when she sees a bright pink flyer in the trash. She pulls it out. It reads “Chaperones needed for prom call 555-5555 to volunteer". Excitement is in her face as she grabs the phone and dials. She then jumps through the doorway of the dining room startling the girls.)

Guess who is chaperoning the prom bitches?! I am! I’m so glad I will get to share this special moment with you Chels!

(Mom looks to Chelsea’s friend and make a gesture with her hands like she has a fat pregnant belly and waddles as she puffs out her cheeks. As she says the following…)

I missed out on my prom because I was 8 months pregnant with this beauty.

(Chelsea’s mom grabs Chelsea’s face between her hands.)

Can you believe it? I can’t wait!

(Chelsea rolls her eyes as her head falls into her folded arms on the table. Mom exits room dancing.)

I better go practice my dance moves!

(Next scene opens at prom at a fancy hotel. Music is playing and kids are on the dance floor having a blast. Enter Chelsea's mom, sporting a fake tan and wearing a prom gown that Chelsea wore to Jr prom with a name tag that reads “CHAPERONE”. She has a martini in her hand as she makes her way through the crowd to find Chelsea. Boys stop and stare as she walks by. She finds Chelsea with her friends.)

Hey chels! Looking hot doll! What do you think of your dress from Jr prom? Do I rock it or what? I had to take it in a little here (motioning to waist) and out a lot here (motioning to her breast)but it was worth it don't you think?!

(Chelsea looks horrified. Mom mistakes her horror as disappointment.)

Don’t worry honey you’ll have tits one day…or if you play your cards right maybe some nice guy will buy you a pair. Like me!

(Chelsea’s friends are shocked. The boys are enjoying what they see. A Beyonce song begins to play. You see Chelsea's mom light up with excitement. She lunges towards Chelsea.)

Oh my God Chels! I love this song! I could do the dance moves in my sleep. Here hold this. But don’t take a sip, it’s not Virgin like you!

(Chelsea's mom hands Chelsea her martin as she winks at Chelsea’s date and bumps his hip with hers to move him closer to Chelsea. Chelsea’s boyfriend is smiling and enjoying their interaction until Chelsea elbows him in the gut and he straightens out and the smile fades from his face. Chelsea watches in horror as her mother races to the dance floor pushing kids aside. The DJ makes eye contact with her. The spotlight is on her as she dances and the crowd forms a circle around her. Chelsea is in shock as friends around her start to whisper.)

Who is that?

(Chelsea’s friend points to Chelsea.)

Chelsea’s Mom!

(Chelsea rolls her eyes and knocks back the martini as the sketchy DJ meets her mom on the dance floor. Chelsea can hear her mom call from dance floor.)


(Chelsea’s boy friend takes a chance and removes his hotel room key out of his pocket and shows it to Chelsea. She shrugs and tosses glass over her shoulder as she grabs him and heads out the door. He does a fist pump as he follows her from behind.)