The Rapture

The anticipated “Rapture” which is to take place on the 21st is a complete mystery to me and has got me thinking….all I have is questions!

I need clarification…..is it just “Good Christian’s” who will be lifted into the air?...leaving all those who are Jewish, non-Christians and evil doers?

I read on Wiki that the rapture was suppose to take place in 1992 and 1994...so is Jesus going to show up this time or is he just going to resched?....Jesus just doesn't seem like the kind of guy to blow off a big event such as a Rapture.

I also read on Wiki that there may be two events? One private (the rapture) and one public which is a battle? So can someone purchase tickets to the "private" event? and when this battle comes around is Jesus going to handle it himself? or is it left for all the Jewish people, non-christians, and evil doers to fight out....and will we have guns and tanks.....or will it be hand to hand combat only?

I was planning on going to Opening Day at Suffolk Downs to play the ponies on the 21st……I guess I can hope that Suffolk Downs employs a lot of Jewish peeps or a lot of “bad Christians”….that way I can still go along with my plans and since my husband is Jewish and I am a “bad Christian” we will at least have each other for company….and obviously there can't be any devout Catholic bartenders so the bar will be staffed....but what about the horses? Do they get a free pass or can animals be Jewish or perhaps “evil” non-believers?

Also…since your body is pulled into the sky by Jesus….what happens if you are at work in a building? Will you get stuck to the ceiling? Like should people plan to be outside in open space? What about planes? Is there a possibility that you may be hit by one? Or even worse, be on one where the pilots are chosen for the Rapture…who will fly the plane?.....(wait no pilot can be chosen they are all drunken philanderers)……what about clothes? I have seen a couple artist renditions of the rapture and some have people with clothes on and some do not. If we are going to be naked don’t you think we should have taken this a little more seriously and shed a few pounds in preparation of being naked in front of everyone?…

Wait that should prove it is not going to happen…..because if it was Jenny Craig and Weight Watchers would have had a “Get Rapture Ready” campaign.

Mystery solved.