Well my glorious Friday morning started out splendidly. I stood at the freezing bus stop, with flurries falling on my uncovered head, for a bus that never showed up. I am the type of person that I am not going to wait outside on a major roadway in Braintree for 20 minutes waiting for a bus….because I remember when I had a car, and would drive by bus stops and see people standing there staring off into space, waiting for a stupid bus and I would think….SUCKAS!!!!.....so I try to spend as little time as possible at the bus stop…not to mention the ass wipe truck drivers that honk…for fun….even better when they drive by twice….it makes me want to walk into oncoming traffic.
When the bus finally came I boarded only to find my “bestie”, the double wide, bottle blonde with the mouth that won’t quit!....well that is not entirely true….I did see her stop talking for a few minutes one time on the T when she packed breakfast for the ride….inhaling a sausage, egg and cheese bagel like it was her last train ride…and I wished it was!.....Anyway….there she was sitting in the front side seats that were reserved for the elderly, handicapped and women with children…she was sprawled out like she was at home lounging on the couch, watching a marathon of phantom gourmet….I thought I was safe when I saw her reach for a Metro and she started flipping through the pages….but then her phone rang……………..Grrreeaaat I thought….now there are people who will answer their cell on the bus or train, and talk softly, and maybe even cover their mouth with their hand….ya know so as not to be rude to the other passengers….She is not one of them!......she is one of those attention seeking crazy ass bitches whose face lights up when it rings, and if she had an infant on her lap, she would probably toss him to the ground to ensure getting to the phone before the second ring……so she snatches her phone from her pocket and immediately starts yelling into the phone as she looks around the bus to see if anyone is watching, or listening to her….well this morning she was not too pleased with the conversation that was taking place. I think maybe it was a co-worker because she starting bashing another employee with vigor. She was so friggin’ loud!
Now my outward response to obnoxious cell talkers on the bus or train is what I like to call “the Julie Flanagan stare”…with closed tight lips and clenched teeth and a gaze that could burn through steel, I stared this bitch down….I saw this stare work its wonders many times….mostly on me when I was being "less than angelic", usually when my mom gave me this stare I had time to book it up the stairs to my room before she caught me (by the time she had me she was a lot slower, my older siblings were not so lucky, she smoked like a chimney but could catch my all star football playing brother in seconds flat!)…more often than not this stare was used in church….like whenever Fr. Doran’s homilies ran a little too long…yes, my mother timed homilies….and when they dragged on my mother would use her death stare as her signal to “wrap it up Padre”….well anyway…this blondie wouldn’t quit. She was saying how this bitch Sue was a loser and she probably had STD’s etc. then she would throw in a couple cackles…ya know because she thought she was being hilarious…..I was like are you friggin’ serious? I don’t want to hear “STD’s” spoken so early in the morning…nor do I want to be reminded of it on a Friday when I am praying to Jesus I don’t catch any over the weekend! ……HEY Kristie Alley how about you pipe the F down! We all know that you’re jealous of Sue and her STD’s because your chances of catching any are pretty slim, considering you need to get laid to catch one…unless of course you can catch one from your cat!