Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Reasons NOT to try to pick men up on the train...

There was a COVER GIRL on the T this morning. Applying make-up in front of everyone…pisses me off…I just think it’s rude….but the college girls use the train as their personal powder room all the time…every time I see them take the mascara wand out and lift it to their eye I pray for a bumpy ride…never happens…I am all for someone losing an eye on the train…especially a COVER GIRL…the reason is this….there is no reason to look good on the train…there is no one to impress Miss Seventeen…I promise you…this is not the Regal Beagle….there is no happy hour…and there are no men worth the loss of vision to look beautiful….here is why there are no worthy men on the train….

1. Chances are if he is on the Red Line….he doesn’t have a car. Hello…he is taking the T for a reason.

2. He may say he cares too much about the environment to own a car. That sounds believable until you find out he is a shift manager at the Subway on Tremont. Yeah the environment…ok.

3. There is a good chance he probably got busted for a DUI and he rode his kid neighbors Huffy to get to the T so he doesn’t lose his job at Subway.

4. There is a slight chance he might be homeless. Check for layers. Is he wearing three shirts and a coat? How about his socks? Is he sporting like four pair? You might also want to check if his “commuter bag” looks like it was designed by Hefty. If so…bad sign!

5. An attractive Professional looking guy? Well don’t get excited. He just got dropped off by his wife who was driving the Volvo with his two kids in the back seat and chances are she is on her way to the gym to TEACH pilates.

6. Another reason why an attractive professional would be on the train? He has a car, probably a nice one, and its parked in his reserved spot in the garage, at his office building….he probably told the wife he had to pull an “all nighter” last night…when in fact the “all nighter” wasn’t spent with a group of co-workers in a conference room, but at his secret boyfriends house on Wollaston Beach.

See COVER GIRL….there is no reason to even brush your hair when you step foot on this trolley of train wrecks….well wait I AM NOT a train wreck….I simply take the T so I can have material for my blog..has nothing to do with that fun filled night at Marina Bay last September when I rear ended my good friend in the parking lot, and totaled my Saab all while using my phone to update my Facebook…and I bet you thought I didn’t have a car because I cared about the environment.

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