Mondays blow….plain and simple….I got up this morning and like every other morning I could not find anything to wear…. one would think that I had all day Saturday and Sunday to figure that out….yeah ok…you know how much television I had to catch up on?.....so not even knowing what the damn temperature was outside I picked a dress…because it requires less matching…I threw on some tights and boots and I was good to go…until I went outside and got bitch slapped by Father Winter….a dress was a poor fashion choice…especially with no damn gloves to keep my hands warm…I walked to the bus stop and stood there like…you guessed it a stripper just getting of her shift….well an old, over weight stripper…..I hate waiting for the bus in a dress….Braintree Tradesman driving trucks…idiots….horn check!.....
I watched as this guy in a BACK PACK crossed the street to the bus stop…he started talking to me immediately….great I thought….a TALKER WITH A BACK PACK….and I’m freezing my ass off…..he was talking about the weather…HEY AL ROKER! Why don’t you keep your weather report to yourself…I have no interest in what you have going on in “your neck of the woods”…so shut it!
The bus finally arrived …I got on and there she was…..double wide, bottle blonde and she was wearing aviator glasses….and was playing with her phone…I thought to myself…if that thing rings she done…she probably has it out just to screw with me…she’s was “willing it” to ring I just knew it….it never rang…otherwise I would have been writing this from jail.
I didn’t really know I made a poor fashion choice this morning FOR REAL until my bus ride home tonight. Now on the bus ride in I got to sit down. But on the bus ride home I had to stand because it is always packed. The thing is when you wear a sweater dress and tights…the sweater dress tends to RIDE up your legs…add a wool jacket to that equation and you have clothes that pretty much want to come off all by themselves….so there I was standing on the bus getting pushed around and I reached for the bar above me to hang on… and as I did my coat clung to my dress and dragged it up almost completely above my ass and then static cling was nice enough to step in and hold it in place for a good.. I don’t know three stops….until I felt someone graze my “black tight” covered ass….Great I thought…did I just feel a brief case on my ass?....OMG I just brought “T Perv” to a whole new level….So now I am wondering who the hell is writing about me on their damn Facebook tonight…and I pray to God they didn’t have a flippin’ picture phone.