Smell ya later.....

This morning I forgot my scarf....which is crazy considering how the other day it saved my flippin' life. When I got on the train the other day I was running a bit late...so I just hopped on the closest car to the escalator...I got on and it was pretty empty except for one other person. I sat near the end of the car...less seats = less people....I sat in my seat on the end as usual so I would only have to deal with one idiot rubbing up against me....then it happened.....Captain Smelly Pants came in....and sat down just two seats away from me. This guy was RIPE!.....I immediately held my breath....and looked to the only other guy on the train...and thought...wait for it...wait for it....and then it hit him...eyes went wide and he shook his head like he had just woken from a dream...probably a good smelling dream.....neither of us moved. It's insane!..... What suddenly I have a heart? I don't want to hurt smelly guys feelings?......just then I thought...hey he doesn't know me...this isn't the usual car I sit in....I can ditch this smelly death dungeon and never see him again....so I began to pick up my bag....ding ding.....doors closed....I was like great...so this is the kind of day I am going to have...I pulled my scarf from the inside of my coat and wrapped it around my face....so far so good....I mean it was the kind of smell you could possibly taste if you let your mouth fall open for too long.

With each stop the car began to fill up..... but not the seat next to Captain Swamp Ass. There were two attempts...one young girl who got on the train saw the seat and immediately bolted to it....thinking she struck gold!...then she realized...maybe not...and got up as quickly as she sat down. Now Smelly Guy never noticed any of this because he was taking a nice morning snoozer.....it was fun to watch people get on and immediately you would see their nose crinkle and they would look around to see the root of all evil....then they would find him...then they look for someone to make eye contact with to confirm it....raised eye brow to raised eye brow....and then they would exit stage left....then there was this one guy standing in front of me who decided to sit next to him....he sat...he sat...and then stood with a hard swallow...you know that he threw up in his mouth...just a little...meanwhile I'm nice and dry heave free under my scarf....thank God for Gain!...until I was so wrapped up in my ipod that I was feeling a little warm under my scarf and forgot about the smell...I moved my scarf off my face and it hit me hard......I began to dry heave...I couldn’t help it...I grabbed my scarf over my face and I did my best to disguise it as a cough...my eyes were watering hard.....lucky for me my sister wasn’t on the train with me...because all she needs to hear is the "dry heave" sound and we have lift off!....thank God I didn’t puke....reason number one why one should not ingest liquids or solids before the morning commute because there is a slight chance you may hurl....we finally arrived at Park street and I never saw people clear a train quicker....I made it up to the Dunks and saw one of my friends in line...we began to chat....and then she said to me with a crinkled nose......what on earth is that smell?????......grrreeeatttt now I am the smelly one!